Random Thoughts

We Don’t Always Learn From Failure

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There’s a lot of free advice out there these days. From inspirational and “lessons learned” posts on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram, to tips and tricks for living and working better and smarter that land in your email inbox.

Sometimes these messages can make it seem like most people’s lives are perfect.

We know that’s not the case. Yet, as we scroll we can easily start to feel like we don’t measure up. Or that we need to always be positive even when things are not going well.

Mea cupla.

I talk a lot about how I value my failures and am thankful for them. I honestly try my best to see them as opportunities for learning and growth.

Well, guess what? 

Some failures don’t have a silver lining. 

Sometimes they do not give me growth. Sometimes they do not help me move ahead. And when that happens, it really stings.

Because the truth is that failure can result in negative emotions and a lack of motivation that hinder growth and learning.

So, when you or your team fail, don’t sugar-coat it.

If there are lessons to be learned, embrace them. If there are not, call it what it is and do the work to move past it.

Sometimes that work is hard. Don’t be afraid to lean on those you trust for help, and encourage your people to do the same.

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No More New Year’s Resolutions

Resolutions, Change, and the Next 10 Years

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Those of you who know me personally know that I am typically quite thoughtful in my decision-making. I like to spend time thinking through the options in order to make the best decisions I can for all parties involved. However, sometimes my problem is that I want to move too fast once I make a decision. I get excited because I know what I’m doing is right, so I want to get it done right away! That doesn’t always work. 

As I look back on the past two decades, I’ve made a lot of big decisions. And for the most part they’ve been good ones. But the ones that I was more thoughtful and methodical about implementing were the most successful. 

That’s one of the reasons I gave up New Years’ resolutions many years ago. If I want to make change happen in my personal or professional life and I want it to be successful, I know it will take time. It will also take dedication, accountability, and flexibility. It may even take a failure or two before I get it right. Or you know what, I might fail completely. And that’s okay, too. Risk is always part of meaningful change.

What important change will you make this year, or in the next decade? If you’re passionate about it and honest with yourself about the time and effort it needs to be successful, I know you’ll make it happen.

Happy holidays to you and yours! May they be filled with kindness, laughter, love, and warmth.

This is a repost of a piece I wrote several years ago. I through it was timely and worth sharing again.

Photo by Karl Fredrickson on Unsplash

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Know Your Strengths

MORE, MORE, MORE…

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There will always be someone who is more than you:

  • more educated
  • more careful
  • more talented
  • more risk tolerant
  • more… you get the idea.

The fact that someone is more [insert word here] doesn’t make you any less. Plus, there are a bunch of other people out there looking at you right now thinking you’re more [insert word here] than them.

Focus on the value you bring, the reasons you do what you do, and the specific talents, strengths, and abilities you bring to the table. That’s your zone, and there are plenty of people there who you can help.

P.S. It’s okay if your zone morphs over time — go with it.

Photo by Miguel Orós on Unsplash

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Investing In Others

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I received a nice compliment yesterday. A client said, “You really invest yourself in other people. You’re always fully there; truly wanting to know about me and also hearing what I have to say. Thanks for that.”

What a kind thing to say. I’ll admit that I am a guy who really wants to help others unleash the power of their strengths. I see the good in people, almost to a fault. And I know the power of good communication — especially listening.

The truth is that the investment I make in my clients is done with the goal of helping them invest more in themselves. Often the work I do as a coach is about reflecting back what I see (and hear) in my clients. 

But his compliment got me thinking about how little we really invest in each other when it comes to doing the hard work of making others feel seen and heard in the workplace. Even at home, for that matter. My work is about giving people a safe space to express themselves and explore their strengths, blind spots, and challenges so they can improve their own performance as leaders and professionals, as well as their relationships both personally and professionally. Yet there are times that I fail to do so when I’m “off the clock” and spending time with my family. I’m going to change that.

I encourage you to invest in yourself. Always. Let’s also make sure to invest in those around us who matter most by giving them the attention and support they need to reach their potential. Everyone wants to be seen. Everyone wants to be heard. We simply need to take the time to make that happen.

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Practice Makes Experts

Practice Makes Experts

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“Nothing can help the person who does not practice.” I read that in a Forbes article about public speaking tips. It made me stop and think about how easy it is to look at someone you admire and think they are a natural at something. The truth is that they worked very hard to be so awe-inspiring.

While there is debate over how much our innate abilities play a role in our successes, it’s clear that training is necessary to become an expert. And with any kind of training, practice is key to honing one’s craft.

My first full-time job after college was as a high school teacher. I had some practice during my schooling, but not enough to make me a true expert on the subject matter, and not enough to confidently manage classrooms of 28 different personalities 5 times a day. And then, there I was on day one, alone, responsible for over 100 students a day, and running the show. 

I’ll never forget how quickly I noticed that my first period public speaking class really got the short end of the stick. Each day they were my test subjects for the day’s lesson, which always went better the other times I would perform it later that day. So, I started to rehearse my new lessons the night before. That practice helped. 

When I got my first graphic design job many years ago, I didn’t know the software like I really should have for the position I landed. I had to create my own projects and practice every night to quickly get myself up to the level the position required. 

I used to be a very good pianist. I could sight read almost any song, and enjoyed playing at parties where people wanted to sing. After two decades of little to no practice, I got frustrated every time I sat down at the piano. I couldn’t play anywhere near like I used to — and that fact was maddening. Last year, I vowed to change that. By practicing a little every week and learning new things about music that I never had discovered before, I am slowly becoming a musician again. All it’s taking is a little practice.  

And even though I’ve taught public speaking to high school and college students, coached executives through high stakes presentations, and presented more workshops and pitches than I can count, I still practice my presentations over and over — until I know that I’m ready. 

And knowing when I’m ready has taken practice, too.

This post was originally published on January 20, 2020 and updated on February 26, 2021.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

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Theatre Cast Rehearsing

Trust and the Theatre

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I’ll always be grateful for my training in theatre arts. 

One of the things it taught me is trust. I could always count on my fellow cast and crew members to be there when they were supposed to be there — to speak their next line, move scenery in place, or make a catch. There was such a high level of trust that the cast and crew truly did start to feel like a family by opening night.

Is there enough trust among your team members? If not, do the work to help them gain it. When people feel like their colleagues have their backs, both work satisfaction and productivity increase. 

Here’s another post about a good lesson from the theatre that can help you in business.

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Your Automations Are Feeling Impersonal

Personalized Communication Gone Astray

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I recently bought an ebook from a well-known leadership expert. The same day I bought the book, I got 4 emails from him:

  • #1 was the delivery of the digital book along with a sales pitch for another book
  • #2 was a marketing email for another line of products he offers
  • #3 was another marketing email for the same line of products in email #2
  • #4 was a promotional email for something else his group of companies offered

4 emails in one day? As a former brand communications and marketing agency leader, I knew what was going on here. The purchase of the book enrolled me in an automated workflow that looks like this:

  1. When Michael buys book A, have the email software program send him the offer email for product B and add him to the email list for product A.
  2. When Michael is added to the email list for product A, also add him to the email list for product C and send product C’s first marketing email.
  3. You see where this is going?

I get it. Automation is a powerful tool when communicating with prospects or customers. Technology has made these highly personalized communications easier than ever. But the people who are setting up these automations are losing site of the human beings on the other end.

I wrote a post a while back about being inundated by emails on a daily basis from companies I like, but don’t want to hear from daily. They give me no choice to reduce the frequency of the communications, so they lose me as a subscriber. This is happening with advertising, too. This week I shopped online for a new pair of comfortable lounge pants and now I’m inundated with loungewear ads on virtually every screen I have in the house. Looks like I accepted a cookie somewhere along the line that allowed the site I was on to sell or share my data.

More personalized results on Google, in digital advertisements, and through email were once welcome. I found them helpful. But today, the automated “personalized” communications and ads that I receive aren’t feeling helpful anymore. I can almost see the robot behind them. The human element has all but disappeared.

My challenge to all of the marketers and professional communicators out there is to rethink your automations to consider the human beings on the other side of them. Highly personalized touchpoints that are too frequent, out-of-touch, or awkwardly invasive actually feel incredibly impersonal.

Photo by Stephen Phillips – Hostreviews.co.uk on Unsplash

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Being Authentically Charismatic

How to be Authentically Charismatic

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When you think about charismatic people, who comes to mind? What qualities do you think of first? 

When I ask people these questions they usually bring up high profile executives and other public figures who are well known and people they view as comfortable in front of a crowd. Some qualities I often hear are outgoing, magnetic, influential, inspirational, fearless, and well liked.

The truth is that you don’t need to be fearless to be charismatic. And you don’t need to be an extrovert, or even outgoing, to have charisma. 

When you look up the definition of the word on Dictionary.com or Merriam-Webster.com, you’ll see words like, “…special personal quality…” or “…a personal magic of leadership…”. That personal quality is what you need to find and cultivate to be able to be authentically charismatic. 

What about you will make people want to follow you? How do you inspire and influence others in your own unique way? What gives you your own “special magnetic charm or appeal?” 

Find it, develop it, and then create your own, authentic way to show it to others. 

That’s when they’ll want to join your tribe. That’s when you’ll be authentically charismatic.

You can do it in a way that’s comfortable in the long run, even if looking at yourself in this way feels a bit uncomfortable at first. If you need help, let’s talk.

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Looking in the Professional Mirror

Seeing You, More Clearly

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One of the best parts of being a coach is that I get to help people see themselves — their talents, skills, accomplishments, and value — more clearly. It also means uncovering blind spots and seeing things that are holding them back. That’s equally as valuable, but usually harder for them to explore.

When you look at your professional self in the mirror, who do you see? How do you describe yourself? 

Are you the person you want to be?

There have been times during my career where I have answered that question with an emphathic, “Yes!” There have also been times where I have said, “No, definitely not.” Those times were pretty hard for me. 

Taking a look in that professional mirror on a regular basis is important. When the answer is no, you owe it to yourself to explore why so you can fix it. Sometimes the fix is a minor tweak. And other times, it requires a monumental shift. 

Either way, being honest with yourself is the only way to change that no to a yes.

Start today.

Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels

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